Sarum

  Sarum is one of the earliest known settlements in England, dating back to at least 3000BC. It is about 80 miles west-south-west of London. It was originally built on the flat top of a mound on top of a hill as a fort protecting trade routes on the River Avon. Around 500BC, the fortifications were strengthened by double ditches all round. The Romans arrived about 60AD.  Around 550AD, the Saxons came and a castle was built on the hill. The Saxons were followed by the Normans and King Henry the First ordered a cathedral to be built atop the hill. In 1219AD, it was decided to move the cathedral to the base of the hill to avoid the extreme weather on the hill. A year later, the move was started block by block to the confluence of two rivers about two miles to the south. When the new cathedral was built, a lofty 400 foot  spire was added to the tower. The town built around the new cathedral was named Salisbury, the name it bears today. The settlement on the hiltop was then called Old Sarum, a name which it also bears today. Henry the Eighth eventually demolished the castle.
  In 1961AD, a 20 year young Irish girl named Alice Josephine Doran arrived in Salisbury. She was a comely wench and soon became employed as a receptionist at the White Hart Hotel near the cathedral.
  In 1962AD, a 29 year old Englishman named Stanley Anthony Smith arrived in Salisbury and sought shelter at the White Hart Hotel. He strode up to the reception desk and asked if he could have a room. "No, we're completely full" said the comely wench to the young Englishman.
  NOW, THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF!! It is a tourist town but early April is definitely not the tourist season.
  So, I wandered across to the bar, licking my wound as I went. I ordered a pint of Worthington E, definitely the world's most immaculate beer. I asked Laurie, the lovely old barmaid, if it was normal for the hotel to be full at this time of year. "Hotel full? Nonsense! Who told you that? That young thing over there?" she exclaimed, pointing out of the rear service window, through which I could see the comely wench sitting behind the reception desk. Then she said "Don't worry, in a few minutes, she'll be going to lunch and Miss Smithers takes over. She'll find you a room" A few minutes later, the decidedly uncomely Miss Smithers did indeed give me a room.
  After I finshed work, I returned to the hotel around 5.30 and the comely wench was sitting at the reception desk. I asked her for my key and the expression on her face told a story. Now, it was somebody else's turn to be pissed off.
  Following the initial face off, I talked to the comely wench, who I by then knew answered to the name of Joy, as often as I could and we really became quite friendly. A few days later, I asked her out for a drink and we went to the Old Castle Inn, a pub across the road from the original fort at Old Sarum. While there, we got to know each other quite well but, then she said we had to drink up as she had to be back at the hotel by 10.15. I asked why and she told me her boy friend was going to call then!!! She wasn't out of ammunition yet!
  A couple of days went by and then one afternoon, we went to the beach near Bournemouth and had a nice time and then back to Salisbury to have dinner at the Haunch of Venison. It was still very nice in those days and we enjoyed ourselves. I had found a key. She liked good food and wine and nice places to eat. A few days later, we went to the Pheasant Inn at Winterslow, a glorious place to eat then. This became our favorite.  We now had achieved a truce and began dating steadily. We were married eight months later.
  Those first dinners at the Pheasant took place 49 years ago this month, but then again, that's another story.

                              The aforesaid comely wench.